Say Yes When You Are Saying No 

Yes, sometimes is just like that! We get invited to places and we throw out excuses “I am too busy” ” I have a lot of work to do” ” I can’t this time” ” “money is too short” etc… the basic trick of life is experiencing. I confess that life is not roses here, recently recovering from a surgery, away from work, and feeling extremely limited physically and financially speaking. I will tell you the ugly truth is that without money you don’t do anything but with friends around is always a room for chance to cheer someone up, to give some source of entertainment, there is nothing more exciting to be assisted in moments like this – that won’t put you back on the track but helps to live life still thinking is a good life, despite the odds.

I am grateful for having an amazing healing after my Hip Labrum Repair/ FAI  surgery and feeling positive but is, unfortunately, a long process and requires patience and dedication and money.

I didn’t want to get out feeling blah! But I say yes when I didn’t want to and took the opportunity to accept my boyfriend’s invitation to invite me to his parents home and enjoy the moments the scene and landscape. It truly raining cats and dogs here but didn’t impede us to have a great time outdoor and movie nights.

It just amazing when you open yourself up to experience new things when you feeling the worst! Oh boy, but those mojitos were fantastic and pretty much numb my senses and woke up like ” yes, I drank a lot”. It is been fun down here but definitely is something worth to experience and to make a difference! Been locked up at home with no social life truly drives me crazy but getting the final note of medical excuse and soon to be discharged. One more week and back to work!

Got to yes when I want to say no! Ha!

I  hope to be a smooth transition back to my old routine.

Hopefully, that works!

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When Trusting God Means Waiting

Noah had to wait a long time to see God’s promise fulfilled. Seeing God answer a prayer or a promise is pretty easy. Waiting on God to do so can be very hard. Especially when God doesn’t deliver for a while. During all the years Noah built and finished the ark, he had to endure a lot of physical and emotional pain. Through all of this, Noah did the only thing he could do: Keep believing and keep moving. Are you in that space? The space between the promise and the fulfillment of the promise? In the times you want to give up, don’t. Remember, Noah worked for years before God delivered him. Keep believing and keep moving. God’s timing is perfect.

Ask this Question: Do you think it is hard to wait?

It is very hard to wait. Waiting makes us uncertain. It makes us doubt. We wonder if God really cares when He makes us wait. Well, God does care. He cares A LOT! God not only knows what is best for you, He also knows when the timing is right. So when we trust God and we have to wait, we need to pray, focus on God, and trust His timing.

cropped-20110412-025509.jpgI spent the past 3 months waiting for getting back to my normal lifestyle, where I can work,  and enjoy the weekends free of pain.  I was obligated to leave work, with no income, no job, delay in immigration paperwork, and my heart and my mind were completely a mess, stressed, and feeling depressed and hopeless sometimes. I couldn’t spend one day thinking what can I do to resolve. I chased answers, I went over ideas, and options. I was worried very worry with timing. I just got more grey hair and terrible body aches with this whole process, trying to just make all workout like on my own. First, I had to overcome those feelings somehow because I couldn’t see myself surviving like that, for a moment those negative feelings that are hard to avoid put me to deepen my faith by turning the table. I got my bibles, my books, and gather my studies and choose to focus on Christ, that is the only remedy thought I could thing of it. Thru building and fortifying my relationship with God I saw evil trying pull me away from Him few times, messing my decisions, attempting me to give away and give up, abandon my hobbies and passions. I knew it I always near the Lord to help me win the weaknesses and temptations but I needed a reminder, so that is where I continue my worship, mass, services, and the more ways I could find to be closer to God, I started to feel safer,  and more in peace. We all have our moments but we can’t give up. I was diagnosed with depression and didn’t want to accept, until today I am not taking any drugs but I am convinced that healing takes course of effort and time. I noticed that good news always brings us closer to health mind and body so today not only God opened the door to help me starting to feel better but he gifted me with my documents and I am back to re-start my new life – how is going to be, I don’t have a clue! but like Noah he stuck with God’s plans and he did survive. I went thru a hard time but I made and I am continuing the journey on my life with the certainty that God is great!

Don’t lose faith! He will bring blessing to your life!

“The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.” 2 Peter 3:9

Good Grief! It is Monday, already!

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I am still here living daily basis with a toothache that doesn’t leave me alone. My schedule is fluctuating weekly basis and time seems too short and days are running fast. Deadlines are in my head with immigration and school. I have a painful visitor of my toothache to complete my stress. I hope Friday comes soon so I can make sure I get the more mental rest.

Good Grief! It hurts…Seems like the coffee is no kicking in, not lifting me up. I am a morning person I am just not Monday person.

Woke up this morning already thinking that I am going to stress out for the things I can’t control. I am refusing to keep thinking of it. I am just letting go of those deadlines, I am just not in the mood of think and hoping anymore. Whatever has to happen will happen. I am not quite sure what is the “destiny” plan anymore. I over concern with things that aren’t positive. All I can do is pray that every solution comes in the right time. The donation process is very slow and I have a deadline until Friday and I am not that happy. So I will definitely not even cash out for what is there pretty much I intend to  give back to the donors. I will figure something out. I think this whole thing is teaching something else.

Now is time to take some Aleve.

A Father’s Day Declaration

My Dad has passed September 17th 2011 exactly 10 days before my birthday, incapable to see him, not way I could fly to Brazil, even if I could I didn’t have the money to afford to pay for the flight ticket and isn’t like that to just leave. I had harshly to mourn and grieve as much as I could to take the pain away from my heart. It was devastating 8 years leaving 12 thousand miles away from him and never thought this could happen to me. I haven’t seen him all this years and he tried to visit me but he couldn’t get a visa and now I don’t have that chance anymore. When your Love one leaves we learn that physically he won’t be present anymore, but emotionally is tough to swallow that and the process is even harder but not impossible to overcome.

I do missed him everyday and in every good reason I will still miss my Dad – when I am alone, when I am happy, when I am sad, when I am angry, when things are empty without him. I was a Dad’s girl for a moment and knowing isn’t like old times, is challenge. Also the wondering of how many good things could have happened.
I felt so guilty for months trying to comprehend the emptiness that I have caused by moving overseas, but is so hard to understand death itself, and knowing that you never going to see that person again in this life is hard. I had to convert myself to believe I will one day in name of Christ things changes for better, and I have a feeling that all things in his name changes in our favor. All you and I need is faith!
The biggest memory of my father it will be the one he walked in the aisle with me, as matter of a fact  he did, which wasn’t the right way, wasn’t the right moment, and certainly he gave me away for the Mrs. wrong guy, but it happens and God put things together but also can break. Happily,  I don’t get mad about it,  I am much content  achieving my goals now and I am even happier that  I have learned a lesson for life that supports me to make sure I will have all it takes to be in successful relationship with someone who deserves each other.
Life is too short and loving one another is the more we can do while we stand in this earth, I have learned more about Love with my Dad than anyone else. The best of all is that he left by I can keep the memories. He was the one who squeeze me at nights and wake me up making me laugh, and for every single thing he make a joke, Dad was a comedian in the house and everywhere he stopped by he was the cloud of the party, and without him isn’t any fun, he comes everyone arrives, if he lives everyone leaves too, he was a friend, helpers, a builder a husband and father and I have him sealed in my heart. I am still work in progress trying to give him the good husband and a child that he always dreamed of it.
Dad, I don’t know where you are, but I am grateful for everything, and I LOVE YOU, more than ever. One day I will be able to give you the husband, and child you always dreamed of. Rest in peace.
Love,
Happy Father’s Day
Camila
48027_431259964838_2396581_n(Dad & my twin sister)

Controlling Anxiety 

I have decided to have a friend over and stay here for a night to see how I do and it was a good experience. At least the security was not 100% but was ok. Altogether I decided to take pain medication for my jaw and toothache and see if my muscles get relaxed – also a friend took me out to dinner and movies. God showed up in those ways he wanted me to have a deserved relaxed time – I was learning again to relax but was tough the anxiety and panic attack really messes with your entire body and mind. I was all day worry, tense, body ache and trying to relax. I felt drunk the whole day, but without alcohol.

I gathered my scriptures and kept reading out loud until I find myself in peace.  I asked and thanked God – but Panic attack scared the hell out me, I haven’t felt it in years – All I want is peace again.

I am so exhausted with this whole roof situation…. God gracious!

Feast of Love – Day 4

It was really tough the day 3 because collecting the right scriptures to fortified this Feast journey, it was hard it!!!!  Day 3 consists in listening to the Holy Spirit and let him guide you through. Proving the right healing scriptures to speak out loud when things are not well.

Day 3 it was the toughest one and I am still learning to adopt that part into the whole process. It makes harder when I am not in peace.

Day 4 is about the intimacy with God. I have been in this frustration in Feast the right things during the process, and while I write my blog about this program I feel super exasperated in his Love because is so worth sharing.

I have been so tired, and sleepy lately due to bad nights of sleep with roof issues escalating and get more scared, worry, much tired and super exhausted of not having the peace I have the rights to have. After the panic attack and anxiety on Friday night I got to the extreme and I was praying so hard and tearing myself up to God because is been sadly frustrating to listen to him, I am always falling asleep while I want to listen to him, altogether I am doubting about if I am doing the right things to get lost in his love. The frustration is big.

I have learned that those are moments that proof that I need to see myself with God’s eyes, but even though I acknowledge that It is keen to have that skill. He is not making me quit or discouraging me to get to the point of giving up, but that is the point makes me go ever deeper on his Love. I think this feast is not only for 10 days or 10 weeks but is for life, this intimacy relationship with God is forever in my life.

I am dying to see myself through his eyes.

I am thankful to be sitting here writing this proudly sharing the challenge because is worth and I have been learning to trust.

He has unique power and he is the only one who can permit things to happen.

Love Feast – Day 1

The Feast of Love is the ability to get a better nutrition of the Cravings, instead of craving I am experiencing a gourmet of God’s Love and isn’t the best you can possibly consume?

First of all, I want to make it clear that I am single and not dating at all is the first fasting you have to take in order to take this program, choose 10 days or 10 weeks sometimes people take 30 days or 3 months, all the program have stated is 10 days or 10 weeks; been single might be much easier but if you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t do it but you can choose to explain to your partner that you absenting yourself 10 days or 10 weeks from dating due to this program. The chances are:  he will respect your decisions and give you the time you need, he will join you doing the same program on his privacy as well, or he won’t accept and break up, you have to fully aware of what the possibilities, but I have seen people saying they actually let their partner know after the program was over, not sure in details how that work. As for life experience, If he or she ended up saying Good Bye you already tasted the flavor of Eros. Please don’t panic! Surrender to God best remedy!

I am not dating and that is the first commitment you have to make, be single. I am standing here letting myself go into this program which I am very excited to be in this journey, certainly is going to require a lot of prayers and open ears and heart to listen to God. I do welcome you to give a try if you are single and haven’t thought about it, no side affects in such Love of God. I remind myself all the time that this program is your Path for True Love, but also I want to make clear that everything happens in God’s Time.  He transforms us making us ready and things can be faster than you can imagine, but don’t lie to Him because He knows the truth.

What I have noticed when I returned  to be active in the church is listening to Him is crucial and very hard for me. I have been dedicating 20 minutes every night and I don’t think is a good idea, nights we are so tired and is no way I can’t make it real been tired, so I am choosing to switch for mornings even though I already practice listening to a Priest in Morning, so that kind of help me going along. I am Hoping for the unique gift he can give to me to listen and embrace his messages.

One of the things that I am sure the spirit is present ( Galatians 5 ) – That deep manifestation of the fruit of the spirit is love, peace, joy, kindness,Goodness, Gentleness, Patience, faithfulness, self-control. Feeling some of that proof me the Spirit is there, present with you and within you.

I don’t need to understand Him but to be with Him in Agape. I felt the  progress and the presence. I observed this feeling last night; peaceful. Lately I can’t sleep, because the fear/ anxiety was around because I have other things occupying my mind that is much stronger, got to the point that is affecting my sleep hours, rarely I have a good sleep, harsh to mind and body function when you don’t sleep well, is the same feeling as been hangover next day. When you noticed that you have to deal with a surprising loud noise in your roof and the Landlord provides only excuses to fix, mine nights has turned out into nightmare and fears now. The night prayer is helping and seems to be the only way I can at least stay sleep until the alarm goes off and I can have an ok day ahead.

We will see how things will roll on my second day, stay tuned!