Say Yes When You Are Saying No 

Yes, sometimes is just like that! We get invited to places and we throw out excuses “I am too busy” ” I have a lot of work to do” ” I can’t this time” ” “money is too short” etc… the basic trick of life is experiencing. I confess that life is not roses here, recently recovering from a surgery, away from work, and feeling extremely limited physically and financially speaking. I will tell you the ugly truth is that without money you don’t do anything but with friends around is always a room for chance to cheer someone up, to give some source of entertainment, there is nothing more exciting to be assisted in moments like this – that won’t put you back on the track but helps to live life still thinking is a good life, despite the odds.

I am grateful for having an amazing healing after my Hip Labrum Repair/ FAI  surgery and feeling positive but is, unfortunately, a long process and requires patience and dedication and money.

I didn’t want to get out feeling blah! But I say yes when I didn’t want to and took the opportunity to accept my boyfriend’s invitation to invite me to his parents home and enjoy the moments the scene and landscape. It truly raining cats and dogs here but didn’t impede us to have a great time outdoor and movie nights.

It just amazing when you open yourself up to experience new things when you feeling the worst! Oh boy, but those mojitos were fantastic and pretty much numb my senses and woke up like ” yes, I drank a lot”. It is been fun down here but definitely is something worth to experience and to make a difference! Been locked up at home with no social life truly drives me crazy but getting the final note of medical excuse and soon to be discharged. One more week and back to work!

Got to yes when I want to say no! Ha!

I  hope to be a smooth transition back to my old routine.

Hopefully, that works!

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10 Things Brazilians Are Doing That You Can Do Too. 

I am proud to be Brazilian and doesn’t matter what others says because of those people who made bad choices culturally speaking we can generalize. For more that Brazil lost from Germany and we terrible choose a freak criminal president to handle terribly the things in Brazil, despite all those problems we still have a beautiful country going thru terrible economical issues looking for solutions. Brazil had so much to offer, maybe a cheaper flight and expensive living but we still have something the way we live, how do we see life. Fact!

I want to introduce 10 important things that is part of my life and my people.

Check it out! 

You are welcome to comment on my post! 

The Love of a Mother

When I was 20 I dropped everything and put myself in an airplane and I landed in the US. Here it has been my life for 12 years, even though I am still waiting for my green card, also still waiting to have the opportunity to continue to live and dream and accomplish my goals.

I have been living on my own for 8 years and I am not scared of anything since I overcome so much, I passes some phases but  what I am still and most afraid is to not have LOVE and COMPASSION.

Without the love and support of my family, I felt empty and alone, more alone than I am. I stricked with the distance. 

Relationships for me was always hard, because how I suppose to introduce my partner to my parents, how my partner suppose to meet my family and my background? I am what I am is not much to see from me since I am here alone. 

I spend life in a rollercoaster, up and down in torture and joy, a timeline of going back on past and future. Rarely I was living present. Always wondering vs always dreaming.

I begged for my parents to visit me every day, because I wanted them to support my decisions, my dreams, and my new choice of living here.

For 8 years of my life I pay my bills, I lost all, I recovered all, I struggled on my own, friends were on the way to rescue me and some weren’t. I survived I continue to survive like anyone in life fight for achieving goals and making ends meet. 

The most important of all is that I am faithful, I never lost my faith in God, I pray most of the day so God can give me stronger shoulders to carry my crosses so whatever happens I can jump of joy feeling light like a feather or I can lift the painful weight and in the end what it matters is to overcome it all. Nothing is forever not pain and no gain. 

I love this country and for more painful experiences happened and continue to come surprisily I still love here because I know if I fall down I can get up, but in my country I know my family would lift me up but not the opportunities and chances, so I can be stronger on my own and independent of myself and my abilities. Brazil family is major union, people stay with the parents until get married. 

On 12 years away is a lot to go thru… funny to say some people can’t  travel for a week they are homesick, some cannot stay with their parents it comes drama, some have families visiting and they cannot stand their presence. I have friends that complain about moving from one city to another, one state to another, that is so hard, but how about when you move to another country with a backpack on your back and have to reborn again in another country, with another language? This is the experience which is not for everyone. Few can survive doing such an adventure.

I was only 20 years old, got married by 24 I was divorced, and my life started on 25 till today. 8 years of my life single, independent  and strong in Christ.

I dreamed every day of all years here to see my parents coming over, visiting, so I could show them how much I would love to them see this world, and my new life, introduce to my friends, having dinner at a nice place, spend some quality time that my mother never did since I born. My father did all he could but my mother always was giving excuses such as saying that she is preparing all to come, another days she is using her friends that are visiting that she will come with them, some other days she mentioned that money is been an issue, every call and every discussion was a problem.  I respected even though I had my moments. 

My father  and grandmother tried a visa, but they got denied. My Mom never dare to try! My sister, she is all over the place she never think about it, but now she does more than ever.

My father was everything for me, he was joker, funny, a joy in the room, such supportive, loving father even though he was not perfect his Love for me and my sister was big enough to cover his imperfections. He provided, he fought for us and 4 years ago he died helping someone. Shocking the entire neighborhood, and leaving  all loving ones in mourn. When I discovered I was shocked, hurt, more alone, more lost, more empty than ever. It was a knife cutting thru my chest, part of me was gone. Without my Dad isn’t family. 

In 2008 I survived from a violence and 3 years faced therapy and recovered from the pain and became stronger, my dream to support women in domestic violence isn’t fulfilled yet but one day it will.

In 2011 I lost my Father in a brutal accident not able to visit him even if I could It wouldn’t be time to see him in the hospital, he died in 10 hrs, exactly would be in a flight time. I still miss him a lot.

In 2012 I finally became legal in this country, I cried of happiness and joy of the path of residence is still hopeful.

In 2014, I got myself heartbroken in pieces I was in a relationship that everyone who knew thought I will get married, he disappeared with no explanation, leaving everyone around shocked. I got super depressed and sad, lost everything all together and took me a year to heal and recovered.

Today I am so happy for achieving so much, and looking back as a survivor. Today,  I am much closer to the Lord and feeling his Love for me. I keep knocking everything unpleasant out of my life, but I always loved my family so much, but no more than God. I believe God is the bigger one in my life besides all. I still die to see my mother, and for 12 years I am persisting to her to come visit. I can’t go. Period. Requires more patience -I know one day I will be able to but in the mean time they are the ones who can. It is painful Dad is gone, but sister and mom are just away, and I aknowledge things had changed a lot with a broken family. Despite all the changes, my love is always the same. I learned the value of parents more than ever. I cannot put my dreams in jeopardy. I am still overcoming so much, but I call my broken family twice a week and speaks to everyone – my grandmother tells me the good and bad, my sister the same way. She continue to lie to me and continue to put me as last priority.

Today I  heard the truth that hurt so much that I couldn’t continue with my sister on the phone it really hurt me to know that my mother is spending tons of money more than what it takes to visit me to spend 2 weeks in Europe. Yeah, she is spending thousands of dollars and I am not sure even if this is real to me, feels like I am still dreaming. 

She never flight, she never traveled, she barely visit her sisters and her family, she barely going in a restaurant – all she does is going to the church and asking her to flight to see me is always a excuse and now she decides to spend 15k in Europe? How she could do that to me?

For 12 years, she is been covering the reality with a lie.  What kind of mother don’t miss the child? love their child? I am still her daughter undeniable, but I cannot forgive her unlovable act of love.

It hurts more than my father has left by death, as the old saying “isn’t the dead who hurts us is the live ones” – Because she keep doing all and my poor father is with God trying maybe to bless me with patience. 

Decision made: I am going to step away from my mother and this time will be for a long term. I don’t want to hear anything about her, and about anything else. I am super and totally disappointed. I am going to continue to pray for Lord provide me my needs, and that I will continue to survive without parents – Loving away and loving my life, but with the major love : God. 

A Father’s Day Declaration

My Dad has passed September 17th 2011 exactly 10 days before my birthday, incapable to see him, not way I could fly to Brazil, even if I could I didn’t have the money to afford to pay for the flight ticket and isn’t like that to just leave. I had harshly to mourn and grieve as much as I could to take the pain away from my heart. It was devastating 8 years leaving 12 thousand miles away from him and never thought this could happen to me. I haven’t seen him all this years and he tried to visit me but he couldn’t get a visa and now I don’t have that chance anymore. When your Love one leaves we learn that physically he won’t be present anymore, but emotionally is tough to swallow that and the process is even harder but not impossible to overcome.

I do missed him everyday and in every good reason I will still miss my Dad – when I am alone, when I am happy, when I am sad, when I am angry, when things are empty without him. I was a Dad’s girl for a moment and knowing isn’t like old times, is challenge. Also the wondering of how many good things could have happened.
I felt so guilty for months trying to comprehend the emptiness that I have caused by moving overseas, but is so hard to understand death itself, and knowing that you never going to see that person again in this life is hard. I had to convert myself to believe I will one day in name of Christ things changes for better, and I have a feeling that all things in his name changes in our favor. All you and I need is faith!
The biggest memory of my father it will be the one he walked in the aisle with me, as matter of a fact  he did, which wasn’t the right way, wasn’t the right moment, and certainly he gave me away for the Mrs. wrong guy, but it happens and God put things together but also can break. Happily,  I don’t get mad about it,  I am much content  achieving my goals now and I am even happier that  I have learned a lesson for life that supports me to make sure I will have all it takes to be in successful relationship with someone who deserves each other.
Life is too short and loving one another is the more we can do while we stand in this earth, I have learned more about Love with my Dad than anyone else. The best of all is that he left by I can keep the memories. He was the one who squeeze me at nights and wake me up making me laugh, and for every single thing he make a joke, Dad was a comedian in the house and everywhere he stopped by he was the cloud of the party, and without him isn’t any fun, he comes everyone arrives, if he lives everyone leaves too, he was a friend, helpers, a builder a husband and father and I have him sealed in my heart. I am still work in progress trying to give him the good husband and a child that he always dreamed of it.
Dad, I don’t know where you are, but I am grateful for everything, and I LOVE YOU, more than ever. One day I will be able to give you the husband, and child you always dreamed of. Rest in peace.
Happy Father’s Day
48027_431259964838_2396581_n(Dad & my twin sister)

The War of Technology

In less than 30 seconds everyone in movie theater when straight to their cell phones. I came across the fact that people are getting bored so quickly, in the movies is required to shut down your phone, and part of the nation is illegal phone usage while driving. When I drive I can’t stand to see how many people have lost the patience by standing in lines, traffic, seating waiting for someone, etc. I see people forgetting to give a signal to right or left when needed in traffic, I see people cutting others in a rush hour, I have seen people not stopping at a stop sign. I have to say that we are growing in this Austin, TX, where Austin City Limits has lost the limits and in few we will explode of how much traffic and people are piling up here.

We all have to face that traffic won’t change by doing your meticulous moves around the highways. Please, leave the fast and furious attitude to be performed on a race track or better yet leave to the NASCAR driver do their best when needed.

Very understandable, that is people from all over big cities adapting to a new form of driving in different ways. Regardless, how you manage, one thing doesn’t change how you choose to behave – rules are rules. Do I need to spell it?

I care less about driving the car of the year with all the buttons and controls, but if you don’t use it and don’t respect others in traffic, how do you expect to be respected on the same level? Seems like showing off are the priority of some crazy drivers, you take your brand new mustang in a highway and put the fast speed, running the greatest risk of a speeding ticket or a car accident that can put your life and others at risk. In life, as science of philosophy explains we have to go thru to learn the lessons and maybe don’t do again, such as Driving intoxicated, public intoxication, we tend to believe that won’t never happen to us, but my friends, sorry to share the bad news, it isn’t that way how life expectations work, as much as you doubt about the worst, you are claiming to happen – 700-800 average accident happens daily due to text while driving.

I ask yourself is your text response are worth your life? Is your text response is that life threatening, that you can’t wait to respond? How come the impulsivity to be that quick at the wrong time?

The mobile technology’s not only is being put lives at risk on the roads, but also have taken our freedom to face to face human interaction is degraded and pretty much vanished, social media are now a new form of communication, people don’t meet up others in real daily life, we go online to meet people, we tap an app and voila!. We are the new century of technology, but as cool and as seems to be is pretty much poisoning our life. I know is super awesome this new century of technology, also practical, but has some exceptions, we have to come with some exceptions. We let technology taken our brains to the next level, but everything that is forcible is reversible based on our choices and habits. We miss so much by giving to a phone too much time, dedication, attention, and appreciation.

Balance the usage of your phone is important because you are not settling yourself to be a robot of your own life. This video below shows an experiment with a pepper crush device that turns all the devices of the house off, and no one can explain because they are all freaking out, that put their families at dinner time into a chaos but they get adjusted and reconnected with themselves, not with their own devices.

How an device can be so destructive in our lives? Families don’t gather together as before, children don’t share their goods and bad because the phone already took all the attention. Phones and tablets have become the parents, the partners for life, the replacement or substitute of what is real and concrete in daily life.

I am sure and certain that your phone might get half of your life going but has a lot of things your device won’t do it.

Technology shows us practicality, but we put technology first as a whole in our lives.

Think about it? Is technology making us more dysfunctional or functional? I am not saying to throw away your devices, but management of the time is important for everything. Specially when puts your life at risk.